It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize