There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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