The maid of honor just puked.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
