my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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