you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize