My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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