I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
