Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
