I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
