Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
