I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
