Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize