I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
