her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
