I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
