Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
