:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
