3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
