he puts the penis in happiness.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
