I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
