What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
