This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
