sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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