you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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