I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
