Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
