if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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