Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
