Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
