he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
