It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
