So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
