i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
