Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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