Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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