Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize