Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
