Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
