Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
