I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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