The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
ttyl tear gas
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
