Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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