she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I faked an abortion last night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
