why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
