I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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