Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
