Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
