Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
