I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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