I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What drink are we having for lunch?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
