i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
