Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
