ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
