Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
