we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
