i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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