I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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