as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
