So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
