Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
