I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
