She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize