What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize