He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
