eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
