Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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