bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
