ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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