Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
