is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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