WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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