drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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