Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
