His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
