I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
