Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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