Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
