Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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