ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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