Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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