his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
