yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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