I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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