good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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