I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
