Nicole vs. Life
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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