My Higher Power is John Stamos
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
