I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
