I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
