she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
