my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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