Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
