Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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